


For the First Time

by StrangerDangerRanger (JRloyaldsys23)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, Mentions of suicidal thoughts (not explicit-very brief), Trigger warnings to be safe!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-23
Updated: 2016-09-23
Packaged: 2018-08-16 21:02:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8117506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JRloyaldsys23/pseuds/StrangerDangerRanger
Summary: Ever since he could remember, he was plagued by nightmares’ of his past. Tonight was no different. Levi awoke to the sound of his own scream. It was like this every night. Some nights it hit him harder than others, but it was always the same.
Always the same dream, always the same story, and always the same person.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hey hey, so I posted this on ff.net awhile ago, and finally decided to post it here. I added a few things in the middle and just did some general editing. If you enjoyed this let me know in the comments, because I certainly enjoyed writing it!

Ever since he could remember, he was plagued by nightmares’ of his past. Tonight was no different. Levi awoke to the sound of his own scream. It was like this every night. Some nights it hit him harder than others, but it was always the same.

Always the same dream, always the same story, and always the same person.

It didn’t matter how many years passed or how many lives he lived: he would never forget. Since the titan days Levi had been reborn to more lives than he could count. In the beginning he searched, but always to no avail. His lover was nowhere to be found.

Eventually Levi gave up. His heart just couldn’t take the disappointment anymore. Every life he would get his hopes up, and every life his hopes would be crushed.

Sometimes it was so bad that he just couldn’t go on and he would take his own life, knowing that all too soon he would be back; and with his new life would come his old pain.

* * *

 

It was Sunday, or to Levi, grocery day. He followed a very strict schedule during the week, never deviating and today was no different. Driving to the store Levi glanced up at the sky. Dark clouds were looming and he knew it was just a matter of time before the storm hit. He was hoping to be in and out before this happened.

But of course this was not the case. About halfway to the store his car began to smoke. Instead of the smooth rumbling of the engine, he heard loud sputtering gasps as the car gradually began to slow.

Luckily Levi managed to make it to the side of the road before it completely died. He sat there for a few minutes silently cursing the universe for his never-ending bad luck. _What have I ever done to deserve such torment_ , he thought.

Eventually he opened his door and walked around to the front of his car and naturally as soon as he stepped out of the vehicle the skies opened up, pounding the world around him with rain. _Fuck me_ , Levi thought as he quickly ran back to the driver side door and slid inside. He sat there for a while hoping the rain would pass and when it didn’t he decided he had to do something.

Sighing he opened his door and braved the almost blinding down pour as he ran to the front of his car. He lifted the hood, which provided a little respite from the onslaught of frigid water and tried to discern just what exactly was wrong with his car.

He had only been looking at it for a few minutes when a car pulled up beside him.

“Hey man! You need a lift somewhere? This rain is killer; no one should be standing out in it! You’re gonna catch a cold!”

_Ha, like I would ever get sick_ , Levi thought to himself.

He was about to make a snarky reply when he turned and was met with the most beautiful green eyes he had ever seen. He couldn’t believe it! There was no way it was him, that was impossible!

_What the fuck is going on here!_

Levi shook his head to clear away the image his mind had conjured, but the green eyed, brown haired man was still staring back at him, and he seemed to be just as dumbstruck as Levi.

He wasn’t sure what exactly was happening, but he wasn’t about to let this opportunity pass, not after everything he had been through.

“I…could actually use a ride home, if you don’t mind.” Levi said. He somehow managed to get the words past his lips, despite his mouths best efforts to thwart him.

“No problem.”

Levi darted over to the passenger-side door and threw himself in before he got even more soaked. Joke’s on him though, because his once immaculate white button down was now see-through and most likely ruined.

“So,” the brunette said smiling. “Just gotta tell me where you live and we’ll be on our way.”

His voice was decidedly enthusiastic, despite Mother Nature’s best efforts to ruin his good mood. Meanwhile, Levi was having what he was pretty sure was a mild heart attack. _Can you even get a heart attack at 31?_ He wondered. Regardless, his heart was making a valiant effort to escape his ribcage, while his hands wouldn’t stop shaking long enough for him to even put on his seatbelt and— _Oh god, is my arm going numb? I think my arm’s going numb._ It took him a few seconds to realize that he had been spoken to and when his mind finally comprehended what had been said…

“You always so fucking chipper, brat?” Levi just couldn’t help it. His lack of filter and his mind’s inability to cooperate did not make for a good combination.

“Shit, sorry, I didn’t mean that. I’m just really fucking pissed. First my car breaks down, then I’m attacked by falling water and…” The kid was looking at Levi like he had lost his mind. Maybe he had. What did he ask him again? Oh right, address.

“I live on Beaucanon, just go down Calhoun and it’ll be on your left.” Levi finally managed to get the words out, resolutely deciding to shut up for the rest of the ride, lest he make more of a fool of himself.

The kid chattered away while they drove; going on about some project he was working on for class and how ‘he just wasn’t inspired’ or some shit. Levi was too busy discreetly—not so discreetly—staring at him to hear a word he said. He was jolted out of his stupor when a hand touched his shoulder. How he missed that hand moving he will never know, but he’s going to play it off as temporary insanity and move on.

“Sorry, did you say something?” Levi asked, when the boy just looked at him.

The boy chuckled. “Yea, I asked your name.”

Oh. Well now Levi felt dumb. They had been riding in the car for nearly fifteen minutes and he hadn’t even thought to ask his name.

Either way, he opened his mouth and replied. “Levi.” He didn’t elaborate or ask his name in return. Was that because he already knew the answer or because was scared he didn’t?

But the boy didn’t seem to mind, as he just smiled and moved on to talking about some bullshit paper—his words, not Levi’s—that he had to write by tomorrow.

After a few more minutes they arrived at Levi’s apartment complex.

He opened his door and made to get out of the car, but stopped when a hand grabbed his arm.

“My name’s Eren by the way.”

* * *

 

After that, Levi had quickly gotten the boy’s number before running inside. He wasn’t sure why the boy had acquiesced to his request—he certainly hadn’t made a good impression during the drive—but he didn’t question it because it was what he wanted.

For the next few weeks the two talked over the phone and texted, but they never met in person. Levi was positive that it was him, but he knew the boy didn’t know him so he tried to take it slow.

After a few weeks had passed Levi finally go up the nerve to ask him to dinner. Eren eagerly agreed and even suggested they see a movie too. Kind of a cliché first date, but Levi didn’t care.

He finally had his Eren, after all this time, and nothing was going to stop him.

* * *

 

Their relationship was quickly becoming serious and after just a month the two were practically inseparable.

Hardly a day went by that Levi didn’t see Eren and more nights than not Eren just slept at his apartment. Levi felt like he was on cloud nine. He had never been happier. His world went from cold and lonely, to shinning and full of life.

He still had the nightmares though. Those never seemed to go away, though they were decidedly less horrific than they had been. The first night Eren slept over the boy had woken him up saying that he was screaming. He was pretty embarrassed that Eren had seen that.

Levi had hoped now that he had him back, the nightmares would disappear…but that was not the case.

Levi couldn’t understand why he was still dreaming about that horrible life. He thought that finding Eren would be enough to make them go away, but it hadn’t been.

The nightmares weren’t the only thing that bothered him though. Lately it was becoming difficult to hide his feelings from the boy. Sure Eren knew he liked him, but he didn’t want to scare the boy away with his deep and intense feelings.

This, coupled with his never ending nightmares, put Levi in a state of perpetual irritation. Most of the time he could ignore it, but sometimes it just overwhelmed him.

Today was one of those times.

He found himself being increasingly distracted by his thoughts of the boy and he just couldn’t bring himself to focus on what Eren was saying to him. He knew Eren had feelings for him, but they just weren’t the same as what he felt for the boy: they couldn’t be.

The love that Levi felt had been cultivated for decades, and Eren had only been given a couple months. Logically Levi knew this wasn’t his fault, but sometimes he just got so frustrated that he took it out on the boy.

Sighing Levi reached back to knead the taut muscles of his neck. He had a raging headache as well, which was not helping his mood at all.

He was tired of holding back; tired of hiding how he really felt and worrying that he might scare the boy away. He was conflicted, his thoughts running in a never-ending circle. On the one hand he wished more than anything for Eren to remember the life they had together, but on the other he hoped to god that Eren had forgotten all the horrors of their old life.

He knew the toll those memories could take on a person. How could he ever wish that on someone else, someone he claimed to love? But how could he explain the deep love and devotion he felt for the boy if Eren couldn’t remember all the things that they had been through together?

It was the worst kind of torture being with Eren, but not being with Eren. Levi could feel his anger boiling too the surface. If he wasn’t careful he would let it all out on Eren. Th _at would be a sure fire to scare him away,_ Levi thought.

“Hey, are you even listening to me?” Levi glanced over, just now realizing that the boy in question had been speaking to him.

He looked slightly annoyed as he realized that Levi wasn’t paying him the slightest bit of attention. “I’m sorry, I’ve just been stressed out with work lately.” That was a lie. Work had never been more lax. Lately it that seemed Erwin never had any work for him.

“Oh,” was all he said in reply.

_Damnit_ , Levi thought to himself. He hated that Eren couldn’t read him like he used to. _Back in the day, Eren could always tell when I was lying to him. I’m so fucking tired of this, but I can’t live without him either. Fuck!_

“Levi?” He simply hummed in response. “Are you sure that’s all that’s bothering you?” Eren didn’t want to push Levi. He knew work wasn’t the reason for his fowl moods lately, but he had no idea what was actually causing them.

He didn’t want to push Levi, though, if the man didn’t want to tell him then there was nothing Eren could do to make him talk about it. That could have a disastrous outcome, one that Eren wasn’t sure he would live through or not. Sighing Levi glanced over at the brunette.

“Yes, alright? Now could you just leave me the fuck alone? I’m trying to concentrate.”

That was the last thing Levi wanted him to do. _Shit, you’re doing it again Levi, taking your anger out on him_. But damn it, he was just so fucking tired.

When Eren just nodded his head, Levi couldn’t take it anymore. He felt the damn inside of him break as all of his anger began to flow. Springing up from the couch he shouted, “I’m just so fucking tired Eren! Of everything! I’m tired of lying to you. I’m tired of you not knowing who I am, not _remembering_! I’m tired of loving someone who doesn’t love me the way I love him!”

After the initial shock of Levi actually raising his voice, Eren’s eyes widened. _What is he talking about? Does he…does he remember? How can he remember!? No one has EVER remembered!_

Levi just stood their, breathing hard as he tried to control himself again. He could see tears forming in the corners of Eren’s eyes. But instead of the fear and anger he was expecting, he saw something else. Joy. _What the fuck_ , was all Levi could think as the boy sprung off the couch and wrapped his arms around Levi’s shoulders.

_Is he crying? Then why the fuck does he look so happy, and why is he hugging me!?_ Levi’s brain could not make sense of Eren’s actions. He was sure the boy would run screaming for hills after his outburst. Instead he was hugging the man.

Levi could feel Eren’s shoulders shaking and he slowly realized that the boy was _laughing_. Levi reached up and pushed the boy back, hands resting gently on his shoulders. He saw bright green eyes shinning with what looked like tears of joy.

“You remember. All this time and you’ve known exactly who I was, who _we_ are.”

_What is Eren talking about? He can’t be saying what I think he is saying. That’s impossible._

“I can’t believe we have been so stupid! How did neither of us realize!?” Eren noticed the man was staring at him, grey eyes full of confusion. Shaking his shoulders lightly Eren said the words that Levi clearly needed to hear. “I remember. Levi, I remember and I love you. I have always loved you and I will always love you.”

Levi couldn’t believe his ears. All of his dreams were coming true. He felt the need to pinch himself just to be sure this really wasn’t just a dream. _Wait, maybe I should do that._ It all seemed too good to be true. After so long, Levi finally had the one thing he’d been craving. Eren.

Eren watched in shock as tears began to stream down Levi’s face. Never, in all their time together, had he seen Levi cry. Even during the titan days when they lost comrades left and right, Levi remained strong. Eren didn’t know what to do; he just stood there frozen. Suddenly Levi’s face broke into a grin.

It was blinding. Eren had never seen Levi so happy. Don’t get him wrong Levi was beautiful no matter what expression he held, even if that was no expression at all, but his smile took Eren’s breath away; it made his chest constrict as he fell in love with the man all over again.

Finally Eren’s limbs responded as he rushed forward and pulled Levi into a hug. He felt strong arms hold him back just as tightly. The two stood there for what seemed like an eternity just holding each other. Finally Levi pulled back, and Eren reached up to swipe his thumbs across his cheeks, wiping away his tears.

Suddenly, Eren became painfully aware of how long he had been without Levi’s touch. Eren was caught up in his grey eyes. The dark orbs seemed to swallow him up the longer he looked at them. He could feel himself pressing against Levi as he slipped closer and closer, their bodies touching from head to toe.

His lips were oh so close, yet still so far away. All Eren wanted was to see if they were as silky smooth as he remembered. Suddenly he felt his lips brush against Levi’s. _God, they ARE just as soft as I remember._ Eren couldn’t hold back the groan that escaped his mouth.

The noise seemed to break the hold Levi had on his self-control as he crushed his lips against Eren’s, biting down on the boy’s lower lip to gain access to his mouth. Eren gladly opened up and let him in. Another moan passed his lips as Levi ran his tongue along the roof of Eren’s mouth. Eren couldn’t take it anymore. He wanted to be closer: needed to be closer. He needed to feel Levi’s skin on his.

He reached out and ran his fingers along the strip of skin showing just above Levi’s waste line. He felt him shiver as he slowly pushed his fingers under the man’s shirt to run them along the smooth muscles of his abdomen.

Suddenly the shirt was gone altogether and Eren slid his hands further up Levi’s muscled chest. He felt the man jerk slightly as his thumb brushed over one of his nipples. Eren smirked against Levi’s lips as he pinched the fleshy nub between his fingers.

Levi moaned as Eren rolled the sensitive flesh between his thumb and forefinger. Eren loved that sound and wanted to hear more of it so he moved from his lips down to his jaw, placing wet kisses as he went. He bit down on the skin behind the man’s ear and was rewarded with another sweet moan.

He continued his way down the man’s neck, sucking and biting as he went. He let his tongue slide out when he reached the skin covering his collarbone and licked his way down his chest. He paused his downward motion to tease the man’s nipples again, taking each one and sucking it into his mouth, teasing as he bit down gently then moved on.

Slowly Eren knelt down in front of Levi and reached his hands up to undo the button of Levi’s jeans and gently pull down the zipper. Eren carefully guided the pants down his legs letting his fingers trail down his skin until they reached the floor. Levi stepped out of them and Eren leaned back on his heals to appreciate the sight before him.

Levi may have been small, but what he lacked in height, he more than made up for in muscle. Eren practically drooled as he took in the man’s form. Perfectly sculpted abs covered in soft, smooth skin: muscles that could only come from great effort and daily attention. His eyes traveled further down, noticing the bulge in between the man’s legs displaying his obvious arousal.

Slowly Eren moved his hands along the waste line of Levi’s boxer briefs. _Man those were sexy_ , Eren thought to himself. He let his fingers slip underneath the elastic band and ever so slowly he began to move them down past his hips.

Eren lost his train of thought as Levi’s erection stood proudly before him. The boxers were forgotten as Eren released his hold on them and they fell to the floor. Eren was much more interested in holding something else, but he forced himself to go slowly. This was their first time together in many, many years and he had no desire to rush things.

Slowly Eren reached his hand out and ran it along Levi’s length. He could feel the man shiver beneath his touch as air rushed from his parted lips. He continued to move his hand up and down, palming Levi’s dick and increasing the pressure as his other hand reached to fondle his balls.

When he wrapped his long fingers around him Levi couldn’t help but thrust into the boys hand as he griped him tight. He was moving much to slowly for Levi’s taste.

Eren could feel him beginning to grow restless, so he reached up and grabbed his hips, steadying him and not allowing him to move on his own.

Ever so slowly Eren moved his lips toward Levi’s waiting erection and began to place small wet kisses up and down his length. Finally he licked his way back to the end and took the tip into his mouth.

Levi moaned and he felt the heat of Eren’s mouth wrap around him and was frustrated that the boy was still restraining him. All he wanted was to thrust shamelessly into the boy’s hot mouth, but he couldn’t move.

Eren sucked slightly and pressed his tongue against the slit as precum began to leak from the tip. Suddenly Eren took all of him into his mouth, slightly choking on his size, but he held it back.

Levi’s gasped at the boy’s sudden boldness and threw his head back in pleasure. Eren hummed and Levi felt the vibrations go through his whole body and damn if that didn’t make him even harder. He wasn’t even sure that was possible.

Levi’s legs began to shake as Eren bobbed his head. He grabbed a handful of chocolate hair, trying desperately to ground himself. Levi could feel his tongue running along the underside of his dick and moaned as Eren began to suck even harder. He could feel the heat building in his lower regions and he knew he was getting close.

“E…Eren…I… I’m gonna, uhh, cum.”

Eren smirked around his length as he increased the pressure yet again and let his teeth scrape lightly across the over sensitive skin. Levi didn’t want this to be over too fast. He still had to reciprocate and he wouldn’t be able to do that if he let Eren continue. He released his hold on Eren’s hair only to grab his shoulders and push him back.

Eren let go of him with a loud pop, licking his lips.

That’s it, Levi thought, your turn. He reached down to pull Eren up by his collar and crushed their lips together. This kiss was much harsher than the last: lips and teeth clashing so hard it almost hurt.

Levi’s tongue shot out to run along the boy’s lower lip, the younger immediately opening up and allowing him access. Eren moaned as Levi’s tongue explored every inch of his mouth.

Levi’s hands seemed to have a mind of their own as they moved lower to pull the boys shirt over his head. Once that was gone his hands explored the familiar territory, running his fingers along his toned, tan chest.

His hands dipped lower to undo the button and zipper of the boy’s jeans, pulling them and his underwear down in one smooth movement. Eren broke the kiss briefly to step out of his pants and returned just as quickly, pressing himself up against the shorter man, reveling in the feeling of skin against skin.

“Bedroom.” Levi growled around the boy’s lips. He broke the kiss and turned, dragging him down the hall and tossing the brunette onto the bed. He practically jumped on top of him in his haste to rejoin their lips.

Their lips moved in harmony with each other as the two men reconnected. They stayed like that for a while, just kissing and touching until Levi couldn’t take it anymore. He moved over to the bedside table and opened a drawer. Reaching in, he pulled out a tube of lube and a condom.

He remembered that Eren generally didn’t like cleaning himself up after sex and, therefore, preferred to use protection. “Not tonight,” Eren whispered, “tonight I just want to feel you inside me.”

And holy shit if that didn’t go straight to Levi’s dick. He moaned and dropped the condom back into the drawer.

He popped open the cap on the lube and squeezed a generous amount onto his hand, coating his fingers. He trailed them down Eren’s chest—leaving a shiny, slick line as he went—and grabbed the boy’s hardened flesh.

He slowly moved his hand up and down, causing Eren to squirm beneath him. Keeping one hand wrapped firmly around his erection he moved his other hand around to the boy’s entrance.

Levi slowly pushed one finger into the boy and left it there, letting him get used to the sensation. Damn he’s tight, has he never had sex with anyone in all this time? As if Eren could read his thoughts he gasped out, “Waiting…for you…”

Levi just smiled and began to move his finger inside him. “More,” he heard the boy demand, so he slipped another finger in along with the first, the lube allowing it to slide in easily. Eren began to grind down on Levi’s fingers as he pushed them further into Eren’s tight hole.

He added a third and the boy moaned even louder.

He pushed his fingers in up to the knuckle, curling them, causing them to brush against the tight ball of nerves. Eren practically screamed as Levi hit his sweat spot with his fingers again and again.

He was overwhelmed by pleasure. The hand on his dick moving in time with the fingers inside him was almost too much.

Sensing that the boy was close Levi pulled his fingers out. The brunette whimpered at the loss, but he didn’t give him any time to complain as he flipped him onto his stomach and lined up with his hole.

He pushed the tip into the boy’s entrance and ever so slowly began to fill him with his length. Eren gave a frustrated growl as he pushed back against Levi taking him in completely.

“Oh god, Levi, I’ve missed you,” the boy groaned out.

“I’ve missed you too, brat.” Levi leaned down and nibbled at his ear causing yet another moan to escape his lips.

Levi began to move slowly, in and out, holding onto the boy’s hips to control the pace. He wanted to take his time and do this right. He didn’t want their first time to be over too quickly.

His pace was slow, but strong as he thrust into the boy’s tight hole, pulling out almost to the tip and thrusting back in. After a few strokes like that, he began to pick up the pace, thrusting faster and faster.

Levi moved his lips to the boy’s throat and began sucking and biting at the sensitive skin there. He wanted people to look at Eren and know that he was taken. That he was his. He moved his mouth lower, biting along his shoulder and down onto his back.

The boy cried out as Levi broke the skin, causing blood to flow: pain mixing with pleasure. Suddenly Levi snuck an arm around the boy and lifted him up so his back was flush with Levi’s chest. He thrust in hard and Eren cried out as the new angle caused Levi’s dick to thrust in deeper and hit his prostate.

Smirking, Levi picked up the pace yet again, thrusting harder and faster. The only sounds in the room were the two men’s moans: skin slapping against skin as Levi hit his sweat spot again and again.

Eren could feel himself getting close and he reached a hand down to attend to his neglected dick. Levi was having none of that. This was their first time damnit. Like hell he was going let the boy pleasure himself.

Levi reached around and wrapped his slim, pale hand around the boy’s tanner one, moving their hands together along his length.

The sensations combined were too much for Eren to handle. “Levi!” he cried out as he spilled his seed over their hands and onto the sheets. His vision went white as he let his orgasm wash over him. His body shook as he made his was back down from the high.

The boy’s walls tightened around Levi causing the man to lose control and cum as well, filling the boy up with his warm liquid as he joined him in the clouds.

Levi slipped out of him as they rolled over to the clean side of the bed and fell into each other’s arms. They lay there, trying to catch their breath after all they had just done.

Eren turned over to face Levi, staring up into his glassy grey eyes.

“Do you remember the day we met?” Levi just nodded. “It was pouring rain and you were stuck on the side of the road. I only stopped because I felt bad for the poor sucker stuck out in that rain. When you turned around it was like I was hit over the head with a brick. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I had been searching for so long. I told myself that morning that if I didn’t find you that day, I was gonna give up.”

Levi watched as tears filled his eyes and spilled down his cheeks. He reached up to run his fingers through his hair; he knew what it was like to feel that way.

“I missed you so much Levi,” he said. “I never thought I would find you again. I spent so long on my own, always hoping. I can’t believe I almost gave up on you.” Levi turned his head to look into his eyes.

The man just stared back. He didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t bring himself to tell Eren that he had given up a long time ago: that each new life brought with it more pain, more despair.

Eventually he responded: “I’m really glad you didn’t.”

Looking over at his lover he saw a small smile appear on his lips. Soon he noticed the boy’s eyes drooping from exhaustion; he too was feeling worn out from their tumble in the sheets. “I love you Eren,” he whispered and finally let his eyes fall shut. The boy closed his eyes as well and hummed in response.

“I love you too.”

Ever since he could remember, Levi was plagued by nightmares of his past. Tonight was different. Tonight he was surrounded by warmth and calmed by the knowledge that his lover slept securely in his arms. For the first time in long time, Levi was happy.


End file.
